Living in the Gap
Sifting Life Together
In last week’s Sifting Life Together, I shared a story about an I-thought-it-was-missing spreadsheet that I now fondly refer to as Bob the Spreadsheet.
It was a funny story, really.
It was also one that held an important lesson about the stories we tell ourselves when we don’t have all the information—whether we’re dealing with a minor frustration or a life-changing challenge.
We often cause ourselves undue stress when we insert a worst-case scenario into a situation before we know how the story ends. We do this because we want answers—we want certainty.
I wanted to know where the spreadsheet was, whether I was going to find it, and whether—or not—I would need to reproduce it step by agonizing step.
The past couple of weeks, though, haven’t just been about a spreadsheet.
They’ve included:
· A piece of furniture that had to be delivered three times before one arrived without damage
· An electric bill that doubled when our daily use hadn’t changed
· A sore shoulder after a fall—and not knowing the diagnosis
· A reduced state tax refund and a federal one yet to be received
· Home and auto insurance rates that increased—again
· A medication with an unexpected side effect
And with each of these, there was a gap between what I knew and what the ultimate answer would be.
At a certain point, there was a lack of control. I had done everything I knew to do. I asked questions. I did research. I made phone calls. I checked account balances and tracked down information.
But eventually, I reached the same place with each situation:
I had to wait.
There was a gap between what I knew in the moment and what the ultimate answer would be.
And even when I resisted the temptation to create a worst-case story, the gap remained. The furniture company still had to call me back. The insurance bill was still sitting on my desk. The shoulder still needed examined—and time to heal. The tax refund still hadn’t arrived.
The challenge wasn’t solving the mystery.
The challenge was learning how to live peacefully while the mystery remained unsolved.
That’s when many of us try to fill the gap. We search for more answers. We replay the possibilities. We imagine outcomes that haven’t happened and may never happen. We spend precious time and energy trying to solve problems that, for the moment, simply can’t be solved.
All of that creates stress and robs us of peace.
Sometimes there is no story yet.
There are simply unanswered questions.
And peace comes from learning to live in the gap until the answers arrive.
I’ve realized that living in the gap isn’t about pretending uncertainty doesn’t exist. It’s about refusing to spend today’s energy trying to solve tomorrow’s questions.
Peace comes from staying focused on, “What do I know today?” and managing those things—and nothing more.
I’m hoping the next few weeks don’t offer me the same challenges—and time wasters—that these weeks have.
But if they do, I’ll remind myself that the answers will come when they come.
I can live in the mystery and trust tomorrow will bring everything I need.
What’s Simmering for You?
What unanswered question is taking up space in your mind right now?
What would change if you focused only on what you know today instead of trying to solve what you don't yet know?
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